The latest data from the General Council of the Judiciary show that during the fourth quarter of the year there was a very significant increase in the number of divorces. It is a striking fact if we observe that it is a behavior that is repeated every year. The ruptures occur just after the end of the holidays, which suggests that the longer time of conviviality is what leads to an increase in the number of divorces. The holidays are, therefore, the moment in which the latent problems in the marriage weigh more»
According to Esteban Cañamanes, clinical psychologist and sexologist, it is very common for couples with problems to think that with the arrival of the holidays they will have more time to communicate and have sex. “High expectations are set in this sense and, when they are not met, the situation becomes more frustrating and worsens.”
Non-tax plans and dialogue
In his opinion, summer can be used to change the data of the statistics of separations and divorcing cheap Leeds, “but, for this, you have to put your will”. In the first place, he proposes that vacations are not plans imposed for either of the two members. “It is important that a consensus be reached and that both parties feel comfortable in the chosen place to favor a relaxed atmosphere and dialogue,” he says.
Do not give pon sit what the other person thinks
In order for this dialogue to be constructive, and not destructive, as in many cases, it is essential to know how to speak. “One should not hurt the other with words, it should be suggested instead of imposing and demanding; the other person’s thought should not be taken for granted; we must listen, seek constructive solutions for both parties and talk about feelings and respect them, “says Carmen Serrat, psychologist at the Carmen Serrat Valera Center.
This expert says that it solves up to 95% of the cases of couples who do not maintain a good relationship but still want to improve it. For this he puts duties. The first is that they learn to seduce and reconquer themselves again. «Love in its first instance is an exchange of gratifying behaviors in an attempt to like and make the other happy. What cannot be is measuring and removing defects to the other in everything he does, “he says.
The experience of husband leads him to the conclusion that the real cause of couples not talking to each other is not just the lack of time. “The real problem is that each one assumes some functions – carrying home finances, cleaning, children, work, etc. – and gets into them so much that they just talk about it, or do not speak out of exhaustion . That is why it is essential that goals are set together so that they feel united: the recovery of friends, sports, trips …, they will allow them to feel both in the same boat again ».
It is also very motivating to set a day of the holidays to talk about how the relationship has evolved, which is what I like the most and least of the other person … “More than covering up the differences, it is about aerating them and to be able to deal with pending issues because when one speaks in hot the result can be disastrous -explains Cañamanes-. Better to do it from the distance and the calm of a hammock ».
Aside from setting that day, Serrat also recommends couples with children to take a day off alone each week to go out for dinner or a walk; One weekend a quarter and one week a year to be able to focus more on the relationship together. «Money is not an excuse; there are always formulas to achieve it, some at no cost».
Know how to use time
Depending on the work activity of each one, it is good that they dedicate their rest to doing the opposite. «That is to say, if one develops an intellectual professional activity, the best thing is that in vacations he / she carry out physical exercise, and vice versa. They should be gratifying and different activities that open up new concerns and a very positive communication channel, “explains this expert.
We live accelerated and when we are stopped -for vacations- we do not know how to use our time and we have forgotten how it is shared. We demand policies that help us to reconcile because we work hard and we have little with our children, but we do not realize that vacations are a great opportunity to reconcile. Do not waste them »